Creatures of Habit
by Vacira
Summary: Series of Vauseman related one-shots, basically a dumping ground for ideas that I don't want to turn into multi-chapter fics.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: For those of you who are readers of Same As You, don't worry I will get back to writing it soon. I'm just slightly demoralized by Season 3 at the moment. As for this little one shot here, I was stuck in traffic before work the other day and a random playlist of songs inspired some thinking. So hope you all enjoy.**

…

-Creatures of Habit-

There is always something to be said about how hard it is to break at habit. Addicts know this fact well. It's always one more time, one last hit or line thinking that maybe, _maybe_ this time would be enough for the rest of your life, but even as they fade into oblivion they always know that will always be complete and utter _horseshit._

The theory of habit formation states that it's an automatic response to a specific situation, something almost completely involuntary because it doesn't require our conscious attention to perform said action. When smokers get stressed, they light one up. When a gym rat gets home, they hit the weight room. When people get scared, they run.

Habit is a scary thing sometimes.

And she also knows it's the only reason why that when her phone goes off in the middle of the night (or sometime in the dark hours of the morning), Piper answers. Always.

Every time she is greeted with a quiet husky voice, whispering in the dark of the night, ' _hey kid.'_

.

It's the same thing every time. Piper answers the phone, and less than an hour later there is a knock at her door. Every time she takes one last sip of wine before unbolting her front door and letting it swing open.

And every time Alex Vause would be on the other side, always drunk and usually high. And like every other time before and for many times after they would spend the rest of the night with skin on skin, hands in hair and mouths gasping against each other.

Piper would always be up first to go to work. It _wasn't_ habit for Piper to leave a note, not since the first time when she came home and Alex had all but disappeared. That was it, this was the routine. The habit carved in stone that encompassed the entirety of their relationship. That was all.

Neither one of them expected more or less nor did they think words were necessary. That required thinking and conscious thought, and that's not how a habit endured.

The involuntary answering of the phone and two words: _'hey kid.'_

That's all they needed.

.

Sometimes days, weeks, even months would pass without even a thought about their arrangement. Piper would live her life, have lunch with Polly, and go on dates to satisfy her mother. It was simple and mundane, something a nice blonde lady should always want from the world.

She is never sure why the long absences occur, Piper had never bothered asking her, that wasn't part of the routine. She is never sure why Alex is always half out of her mind by the time that call comes in, it's seems like the norm honestly. In fact Piper can't recall a time in which she ever saw the enigmatic brunette sober since the first time they met.

Even before the late-night calls, the only time she would run into the elusive woman would be at a bar. Sometimes she would be alone, more often than not there was a girl wrapped up next to her, never the same girl. That wasn't part of Alex Vause's tradition, not that there was anything traditionally about Alex in any sense of the word. And Piper would often ponder over how she manages to draw so many of these girls into her web.

That was, until she was one of those girls wrapped around her waist, talking quietly about renaissance era paintings and laughing loudly about some story she would tell not caring if it was true. There was something about Alex's presence that drew Piper in the moment the taller woman sat down next to her and offered to buy her a drink. Maybe it was the way the dim bar light managed to make her green eyes dance with some sort of inner fire behind her black frames. Or maybe how the soft husk of her voice managed to overwhelm all other sound and caused Piper to lean in closer as if hoping to absorb the words that flowed like liquid gold between her lips.

Alex was drunk from liquor and Piper was drunk off of her presence…and tequila, admittedly.

At some point throughout the night Alex had disappeared, taking a phone call and Piper waits at the bar loosing track of time as she sips on her drink. Countless minutes pass and eventually she closes her tab and the bartender tells her everything has been covered for the night. She smiles before walking through the door.

And there she was. Cigarette in hand, leather jacket hugging her frame as she leaned against a lamppost. Her eyebrow is arched and eventually a smirk curls over her perfect lips at Piper's stunned silence.

' _Hey kid.'_

When she offers Piper her hand, the blonde doesn't hesitate.

The next day, Piper leaves a note with her number, and thus it began.

.

Alex broke the habit first.

It had been two months since Piper had looked at her phone to see the woman's name alight on her screen. It was the longest amount of time that had passed in between their routine. The same day that Piper assumed that whatever they had was officially over was also the same day the mysterious woman finally called again.

' _Hey kid.'_

…

' _Look Piper, I need your help. Can you please come and pick me up?'_

She hesitates, not really sure how to react to the unsteady wavier of Alex's voice. Her ragged breaths on the other end of the line pick up in frequency and its sounds like she is having a full blown anxiety attack.

' _Piper…please. I wouldn't be asking if I had any other option.'_

…

' _Piper?'_

'Where are you?'

So that's how she ends up leaving her house well past midnight, driving to a street that she had only been to once before in her life. Just like that first night she was leaning against a lamppost, only this time it was with great burden as if without it's support she would just collapse to the ground. She has a hood over her head and Piper can barely make out any of her features through the shadows.

The moment her car comes to a stop she is opening the door and sliding in, pointedly staring out the passenger window and Piper feels a spike of annoyance run through her at the brunette's aloofness.

She sighs heavily. "Where are we going, Al?"

"Back to your place, I guess."

Without any more discussion she pulls the car away from the curb and they endure the ride in a rigid silence. They become so accustomed to silence that the thought of conversation seemed nearly impossible. Piper is acutely aware of the scent of alcohol that surrounds the other woman.

 _At least one thing is consistent about tonight._

It's a relief when they finally cross the threshold into her apartment and Piper wastes no time as she crosses over to the kitchen. "Do you want a drink?"

Alex isn't look at her as she nods her head. "Ice too, please."

"For your drink?"

She pulls her hood off her head finally and turns to look at the blonde. "No."

Piper's breath catches in her throat as she takes in the other woman's features. Her bottom lip is split and swollen. There was a large gash carving its way over her eyebrow, a small trickle of blood highlighting the bruises that are peppering over her sharp cheek bone and Piper notices for the first time that her glasses have a spider web of cracks in the one lens.

She swallows thickly, looking up at the ceiling, at the floor, at _anything_ besides Piper. "Do you mind if I go sit down? I feel kind of dizzy."

Piper nods mutely and when she finally joins Alex in the living room she has her glasses off to the side table, her hand cradling the part of her face that isn't injured. Piper holds a glass of wine out in front of her and she chuckles darkly at the fact that she placed a stray inside.

"Wine, huh, how romantic of you kid."

Piper sits down next to her on the sofa, placing a first-aid kit in her lap. The blonde's hand comes up to brush a feather-light touch over the bruised skin of the other's face. "How did this happen?" Piper asks, the concern in her voice caused a grimace to spread of across Alex's face. Mistaking the expression for pain, she quickly withdrawals her hand. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Alex murmurs. "But I don't want to talk about that right now."

Piper just nods and begins to work on patching up the brunette's face, hesitating here and there as she causes the older woman to wince in pain. After several minutes and a few gentle assurances Piper closes up the kit and retreats back to the kitchen to retrieve an ice pack. In the living room Alex has started to doze off and Piper shakes her awake in a panic.

"Pipes, I'm so tired."

The nickname startles her for a moment but she doesn't comment. "Exactly, you could have a concussion, you can't go to sleep."

She mumbles something incoherently in response and startles slightly as the cold of the ice pack is pressed to her tender cheek. Piper coaxes her head to rest in her lap. "Are you still dizzy?"

Alex nods mutely looking up into her eyes with an unreadable expression as Piper threads her fingers through the dark strands of her hair, her other hand still gingerly holding the ice pack to her face. They slip back to the silence that has impregnated every encounter they've had in the recent past.

"Thank you," Alex says so softly that Piper thinks that maybe she was just simply hearing things but-, "I mean it, you didn't have to do any of this. So, thank you."

She continues talking about random things that she noticed around the apartment, saying something about how she never slowed down to notice a certain decoration there or how soft the sofa felt. The thoughts are more disjointed than they have been in previous encounters and often times she would pause as if having great difficulty grasping the words. For most of the time Piper just listens, hands running through her hair, still holding the ice pack even though it has long melted into a lukewarm mess.

Eventually she goes quiet and when Piper glances down her eyes are closed. She shakes her fearing that the taller woman may have went unconscious. A slow smile creeps on to Alex's face as she confirms that she is indeed still awake.

And she continues to talk, saying she was thinking about her mother. Alex mentions that she passed recently, at some point in between the times of their absence from each other's lives. Piper immediately feels guilt for not being there and she watches as tears start to well up in those green eyes as she talks about all of the good moments they had together and all of the shitty ones they survived. It takes ten minutes for her to finally calm down. As her breathing settles, Piper leans down to place a chaste kiss on her forehead, carefully avoiding the bandage she placed there earlier in the night.

When she pulls back the expression that Alex is wearing is unreadable, her eyes slightly misty as if thinking of something else. "Why has it been two months since we've seen each, huh kid?"

The question throws her off, but she doesn't miss a beat. "You didn't call."

"Neither did you."

It wasn't a lie. At the same time, Piper finds herself at a loss for words, lucky Alex decided she wasn't done speaking. "In fact you never call. Last time I checked, phones work both ways, Pipes."

Irritation begins to nag at Piper but when she looks down to throw a comeback at the brunette, there is a smirk on her face and she has to suppress a smile. "Fuck you, Al."

"I can't, I'm concussed."

Piper wants to be mad but Alex is laughing and it's infectious, they both find themselves in a fit of giggles and this time the silence that they fall into after is a comfortable one.

Piper eventually lets Alex fall asleep, making sure to check if she is breathing from time to time as she wanders around her apartment. As the sun begins to rise, bathing the living room with golden light Piper decides to call into work saying that she wouldn't be there today. After dealing with the manager's irritation she watches the steady rise and fall of Alex's chest and eventually she squeezes in next to her on the sofa. Strong arms pull her in closer and green eyes flutter open sleepily to meet hers before closing once more.

When Piper wakes up, she is still there, still breathing. She stays most of the day and when she finally slips out of the door she places a note in the same in the same place Piper had left her own all those months ago. She tells Piper to wait until she leaves to read it.

The moment the door shuts behind Piper bolts back to the kitchen taking the small post-it in her hands.

 _Call me, kid._

 _-A.V._

After that day a new habit forms, one that systematically changes in the same way any addicts would. The more frequent the doses, the more that is needed to get a fix. In this case that fix would be Alex. It went from sporadic and unpredictable, to once a week, then every few days. Until, eventually Alex Vause would find her way to Piper Chapman's apartment every night.

She would still be drunk every time she would rap her knuckles on Piper's door, and without fail the blonde would answer. What occurred between them also changes, sure they would always end up in Piper's bed breathless and basking in afterglow. Now though, they would talk, sometimes for hours learning everything they could about each other.

Alex would seemingly absorb the information Piper would tell her, about where she went to school and what her siblings were like, her father's infidelity, her mother's drinking, her favorite book and songs, everything. And Piper would do the same for her, listening intently as Alex told the story behind her father and the one and only time that they met, past relationships or lack of them for that matter, and even her job.

The tension that followed could be cut with a knife and Alex feared for a long moment that she would be asked to leave and never come back. But eventually Piper just shrugs, telling her she doesn't want to ever be involved and Alex promises without hesitation that would never happen.

After that night's major revelation, the habit changes again.

When Piper comes home from work, Alex is there still with food ready and about two drinks into the night. She greets her with a kiss and when they go to bed the way Alex touches her now is different, softer and more protective.

The next day Piper gives her a spare key.

The habit of not putting a label on whatever they were doesn't change, but it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

That is until Alex breaks the habit once more. She isn't there one day when Piper gets home, and she doesn't show up later that night or the next day. It's four long Alex-less days before she calls her, worry surging through her and only becoming worse as she doesn't answer. She calls twice a day for over a week before she stops trying.

Her life goes back to the mundane existence that she had built before, she goes to lunch with Polly and goes on a few dates. There is one man that she even agrees to see again. Two months pass before she hear a knock at her door well after midnight.

And sure enough, just on the other side is Alex with that infuriating smirk with a bag slung over her shoulder. "Hey, kid."

Piper shuts the door in her face and marches back towards the living when she hears the sound of the lock being turned. She whirls around in time to see Alex walk into the living room after her, her smirk gone replaced by a look that resembles that of a warrior ready for battle. There are a lot of things that are said, not many that actually mean anything, just violent verbal lashings being dealt (mostly from Piper). Piper throws things and slams doors and Alex lets her, explaining but being unapologetic for her absence.

"Getting sober is a bitch, Pipes."

Eventually the argument dulls, at one point Piper lets a few tears fall and she rejects the Alex's attempts at comfort, immediately feeling guilt at the beaten expression that flits onto the brunette's face. When the she asks if she can stay, Piper wants to say yes, to forget this whole mess happened and wake up next to her in the morning. But she is angry and bitter, she wants Alex to feel like she did the moment she decided to disappear without a word. She realizes that the thought is childish and perhaps she is too far into this habit, and if she doesn't let it go it will destroy, Alex will destroy her.

But God help her there is something to be said about addiction, and if nothing else humans are creatures of habit.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Went to see Hozier in concert the other day, can't quite get the beauty that 'In a Week' out of my head, so here is a one-shot inspired that song.**

…

 **-I'll be home with you-**

Piper is thirteen when she first finds the glade.

It was this beautiful quiet place, small streams encompassing the entire perimeter and a barely there waterfall that filled the secluded area with the babbling voice of the water. The grass was lush and it seemed to be eternally covered in dew with wild flowers breaking through the green blanket in poignant bursts of color that attracted bumblebees and monarch butterflies, flitting around as if they had never thought of actually leaving this place.

The glade for Piper was a place of quiet comfort. It was cool water running over her bare feet, the smell of buttercup flowers, it was cicadas playing their thrumming song as the sun began to set and birds welcoming the new day as the first cracks of light breached over the horizon. It was a place where Piper Chapman ceased to be the girl that her parents expected her to be at home, far from the responsibility of school and acting cool in front of her friends. Everything outside of that glade ceased to exist while its warm air brushed lovingly across her face. It was perfect. It was starting to feel like home.

So, she told no one about the glade. Afraid that if anyone were to find out, it would destroy the sanctity that it had provided her, but all summer she would disappear leaving Danny and Cal at home and wander into the woods for a few hours that often would feel like weeks. Weeks away from the screaming at home and she would always come back smiling, this silly grin that comes from the rush of riding a roller coaster or jumping off of diving board. She would spend the rest of her night and much of the next day suspended in this weightlessness before she would wander back only to start all over again.

But as the weather started to grow more frigid and the rain more unforgiving she was forced to abandon the place but secretly she committed the path to memory, knowing that when the opportunity presented itself she would wander back. She had to.

…

As muggy wet spring fades into dry humid summer Piper realizes that finally, _finally_ , she can make it back to the glade. So one day when her parents are out and her brothers were busy getting high, she sets off. Practically sprinting the full distance with excitement and anticipation coursing through her, breathing new life into her lungs and she is laughing out loud with joy.

Until.

 _Until._

She actually gets there and quickly discovers that her sanctuary is not so secret anymore. Because leaning up against a small boulder is a girl. Her head leaned back raven hair splayed onto the rock, eyes closed basking in the warmth of the sun and Piper can't quite seem to get over her disdain at the sight to see how picturesque it was.

So with all the righteous fury that her young mind could muster she marches over to the girl. The rustle of the grass beneath her feet gives away her presence causing the girls eyes to snap open. Her eyes scan over Piper once, twice before a bemused smirk pulls at the edges of her full lips.

"Hey," the girl's voice comes out in a soft husk. It reminds Piper of the cigarettes that her grandmother used to smoke, the clouds lay thick in the air as the older woman told her story after story of the crazy days of her younger life.

It pulls her up short, the apparent kindness of the strange girl and for a second she considers bolting especially when the girl stands up brushing her jeans off and extends her hand in a greeting. "I'm Alex."

"You can't be here," Piper blurts out.

Alex arches an eyebrow her mouth still set in that ridiculous smirk. "Usually, when someone tells you their name the proper thing to do is to return the favor."

Piper shakes her head like a toddler about to pitch a fit. "You should leave."

Alex stares at her blankly for a long second before her other hand brings a pair of black-rimmed glasses up to her face. "Is this private property?"

"No," Piper seethes through clenched teeth, quickly losing her patience. "But this is my place, and I want you to leave."

Then Alex is laughing, this warm soft sound that caresses Piper's ears. "Tell me your name kid."

And it goes against everything Piper has been told by her parents about talking to strangers, especially in secret places that no one knows about but something about Alex's voice and her smile that shines through her eyes makes her think that maybe it's okay.

"Piper."

That smirk that Piper would come to know so well graces the taller girl's features once more. "Well Piper," her voice drawls the name as if testing how it sounds coming out of her mouth. "Do you mind if I share this place with you?"

And that's how Piper met Alex just a few days before she would turn fourteen. The two of them fall into an easy routine, Alex is always there when Piper finally steps foot in the glade, sometimes resting her eyes other times reading a book the cover and title changing at least once a week if not more. They never really say anything outside of the typical greeting and Piper keeps her distance for the first couple of weeks. She is always skirting around the edge of the glade, dipping her feet in the stream watching the minnows avoid her ankles.

Every once and awhile she will find herself watching Alex, taking in her serene features as she slowly turns the pages of her books or tracing the pale flesh of her neck as she rest her head against the stone a place that Piper has aptly named 'Alex's spot.' Occasionally, Alex will flick her eyes up catching her staring before Piper turns away cheeks burning red. Other times she would notice Alex watching her, throwing a smirk at the blonde for being caught in the act.

June slips into July without warning and she begins to warm up to Alex, smiling when they say hello to each other now. Sometimes she would even wander over to sit down next to the raven-haired girl who would smile at her briefly before turning back to her book. Piper still stays quiet, feeling like if she spoke she would be interrupting Alex, bothering her with the musings of a fourteen year old.

Then one day when July bleeds into August Alex speaks first.

"So why is this 'your place' kid?"

So Piper tells her about her parents arguing and how her house never really feels like a home anymore, how this place feels like the only place where Piper Chapman is just Piper and can simply be alone to think without everyone else's turmoil taking precedence.

"I know it sounds silly," Piper mumbles. "But it feels like home."

"No," Alex counters shaking her head. "It make sense."

"Then why are you laughing at me?" Piper says hating how whiny she sounds.

"Because," she draws out the word mocking Piper's tone. "There is something kind of adorable about how you ramble."

And Piper smiles a genuine infectious grin that makes the whole glade seem just a little bit brighter. Things change after that day, there is still days in which they sit in silence for hours with only the sounds of nature to accompany their mundane tasks, but it's comfortable and everyday Piper inches closer to Alex as they lean against the boulder.

But other days, they sit and talk for hours, about simple things that hold no real meaning or consequence like how old they are and Piper is surprised to find out that Alex is only sixteen since she seems to have the bearings of someone much older. Then of course there are times in which they find themselves spilling out information that is much too personal but the glade gives them the courage to let the words come out without fear of judgement. Piper talks about her father's infidelity, Alex talks about growing up with just her mother and in those quiet moments whispering in hushed voices it all feels so entirely far away.

The summer fades quickly after that and eventually they both realize that this place of tranquility will be lost to them and Piper begins to feel a sense of sadness creeping in on the idea of not only leaving behind the glade but leaving behind Alex as well. She doesn't say that out loud afraid that it would sound too childish.

Every day in September they say goodbye, lingering long on the words until one day Alex pulls her into a tight embrace whisper a hushed 'see you later kid' into her hair and almost like she _knows_. Because the next day it rains furiously, the sky never relenting in its constant downpour and the world turns cold and marshy in the forest again.

Piper dreads the upcoming months of winter, but then she focuses on the day she can head back to the glade and she thinks of Alex being there. And she thinks she will be okay.

….

It's the same as last year, she is running full force her feet hitting the ground kicking up dirt as she charges towards the glade silently wishing, _praying_ that a certain brunette would be there. As she comes to a stop breathing raggedly, bent over with her palms on her knees she quickly scans the space immediately feeling her heart drop when _her_ spot is empty.

She simply stares, her eyes burning into the boulder as if looking hard enough will cause Alex to materialize.

"What are we looking at?"

Piper literally jumps, whipping around to find the owner of the voice. She see that smirk and those green eyes filled with laughter and she is launching herself into Alex's arms causing them both to stagger before eventually falling backwards into the damp grass. Alex huffs with Piper's weight falling full force on her but eventually they both fall into a round of giggles.

"Good to see you too, Pipes," she husks out voice straining slightly.

Realizing their position Piper rolls off of her, unable to stop smiling and just _so damn happy_ that she was back here with Alex right in front of her after so many months of wondering what the other girl was doing.

And that's how their reunited, Alex is seventeen and its a few days before Piper's fifteenth birthday and the routine picks up as if they never stopped it to begin with. Alex smokes cigarettes now and Piper begins to associate the smell of menthol and smoke with her. On some days she warns Piper she won't be showing up because she has to work, but she promises that will be back as soon as she can.

On the day after Piper's birthday (because she worked the day of) Alex brings an extra book with a string and a bow wrapped around it, it was the first time Alex had seemed shy explaining that it was one of her favorites. Piper insists that they read it together for the rest of the day. She's fascinated with the way the words fall off the older girls tongue as she reads through the familiar lines of the story and she loses count the number of times Alex is nudging her awake.

They do that more often than not throughout the summer, reading the book Alex brings with her together sometimes acting out different voices for the characters causing them to devolve into laughter.

One day as the sun was edging towards the horizon Piper plucks a cigarette from her mouth and falls into a fit of coughing as the smoke invades her lungs. Alex just gives her a strange whimsical sort of look as she watches Piper take hit after hit, eventually lighting another one as the blonde plays keep away with the she apprehended.

That summer was filled with Alex and cigarettes, books and soft conversations. It's the best summer Piper has ever lived so far in her life. When the cold whether starts to come in it bring the familiar sense of dread at knowing it will be almost another full year before she feels this happy again. Just like the year before, it's like the older girl knows when their last day together will be and she holds onto the Piper tight whispering a promise of seeing her next year.

She holds onto that promise, wraps it up tight and tuck it in place right next to heart knowing that it will be the only thing that can help get through the next eight months.

…

This year for Piper is rough, it brings talk of college and standardized tests. It also brings her parents inevitable divorce and for a small terrifying moment Piper feared that she would have to leave the house to live with her father, a place where the glade and Alex were unreachable. It's stressful and while she had quit smoking as soon as the summer was over, she found herself silently wishing for one. Mostly because cigarettes remind her of Alex and the whole year she wishes she could talk to the older girl, wondering how she is doing, silently berating herself for not finding a way to keep in touch.

But maybe she preferred it that way, after all if there was one thing that Piper Chapman was learning was that compartmentalization is a key aspect to survival in her family. There was always the fear, that deep rooted anxiety that if anyone found out about the moments shared in that glade they would somehow find a way to put a stop to it. She can even hear the biting remarks of her mother and can physically feel the threat of imprisonment hanging over her head if she were to ever find out.

And of course there is always the fear that maybe Alex doesn't want her in her everyday life, maybe the older girl also liked the idea of keeping her outside of the real and important aspects of her life.

All of that gets wiped away the moment they see each other again, Alex's hair is different tipped with blue and she has a tattoo on her shoulder blade now. But her smirk is still the same and her voice is still soft and honest as she tells Piper how great it is to see her. When Piper gives a very late birthday gift, a leather cuff with tribal markings branded into it Alex's smile is radiant and immediately clasps it around her right wrist.

That summer is the first time Piper get high, she just turned sixteen and Alex is eighteen and the image of the teenage rebel so when she pulls a joint from the pocket of her faux leather jacket Piper is by no mean surprised.

"You don't have to," Alex insist upon seeing Piper's hesitance, a smirk unfurls on her face. "But I promise it will be fun."

And it is, for the first half hour all Piper can do is laugh at the absurd remarks Alex begins to make. She is laying in the grass feeling the individual blades as they prickle at her skin. She is running her hand over the earth suddenly fascinated by how it feels throwing occasional glances at Alex as she rolls another joint, she's transfixed as she watches Alex's tongue trace the seam of the paper sealing it together.

She gives Piper an awkward uncertain look. "What?"

Piper just shakes her head haphazardly, feeling like she has little control over the movement. "I'm just happy."

Alex smiles softly. "Me too, kid."

The next day Alex slips a piece of paper into her hand, a series of numbers scrawled in a handwriting that blatantly belonged to the older girl.

"That's my phone number," she mumbles. "I'm assuming you know what do with it."

"What are starting to miss me?" Piper teases.

"Yes," Alex says, her face and tone oddly serious. "Too much."

There's something about the way Alex behaves that summer that seems different. It all started when Piper mentioned Bobby Spanner, a senior in her school, had asked her to go on a date with him. At first Alex remained unerringly quiet for the next few minutes, smoking her cigarette and chewing on her bottom lip before changing the subject entirely.

It was a put off to say the least and from then on Piper never mentioned Bobby, a few weeks later she tells Alex that she said no to him. She shrugs indifferently but Piper notices from the corner of her eye that Alex is smiling. She isn't sure what that means. And when Alex hugs her goodbye that night Piper's stomach fills with a strange fluttering sensation. She's also not sure what that means.

…

"Alex."

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"…"

"Stop laughing, you asshole."  
"No Piper, I've never had a boyfriend."

"…"

"What is it?"

"Have you…ever had a girlfriend?"

"…"

"…"

"Theoretically, no."

"Theoretically?"

"You heard me."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I believe that the dictionary defines it-,"

"Haha, Al. Stop laughing you're not funny."

"I'm fucking hilarious, Pipes. You can't deny that."

"…"

"Does it bother you?"

"Does what bother me?"

"The whole…me being gay thing."

"…"

"…"

"Actually, no."

…

Once the glade is unreachable again, the phone calls become her saving grace. More accurately, Alex becomes her saving grace. Because just hearing her voice reminds her of the greatest moments spent there. Alex was spending most of the day high splashing each other with water from the stream or reading books by the boulder. She was hushed talks and profound promises whispered as they watched the sun go down, staring in awe as the stars shone down so bright that the whole world turned to odd hues of blue, black and gray. Alex was every good memory that she can remember in the last two years.

It was a terrifying truth, to depend on someone so much for happiness. But it seemed that Alex felt the same. And besides, it just felt so _damn_ right.

…

"Why aren't you in college?"

"No mullah, no schoolah."

"…"

"And besides I barely graduated high school, not sure I could even get into college with my academic record."

"Don't you want to go?"

"Sometimes you just accept the way things are, Pipes."

…

They're on the phone as the minutes slip into the day Alex turns nineteen, Alex is high and Piper can hear her mother in the background cracking jokes. At one point Diane mentions the term 'girlfriend' in reference to Piper and Alex mumbles an apology on her behalf.

But Piper is smiling as she tells her that it's okay.

…

It just happens one day.

Piper calls Alex to talk and there is no answer.

She shrugs it off, the situation being so rare that it's entirely forgivable. But she calls the next day and the day after that and every time she is met by silence. Just Diane's voice telling her to leave a message and no call in return from Alex. She calls every day for three weeks straight, until one day she is greeted by a recorded message. Not Diane's friendly voice, but an automated dial-tone bearing the news that the line is no longer in service.

She's spiraling from panic, because it's only April and it would be almost two months before the glade is reachable again. Before Alex is reachable again. During those months Piper is a ball of anxiety and guilt, there are several times where she calls hoping desperately that the only direct line to Alex will spark back to life. It's the dial-tone always.

Until one day.

It rings.

And rings.

 _And rings._

Until the answering machine picks up, telling her she has reached the Hopkins family and she slams phone down on the receiver. She sprints to the bathroom and sticks her head in the toilet just before she loses her dinner.

…

She is at the glade as soon as the sun is rising. A book in one hand and a late birthday gift for Alex in the other and she is sitting in Alex's spot, she waits all day. Every time she turns a page in the novel, her head shoots up looking around for the site of raven hair or evergreen eyes and every time _single fucking time_ there is nothing.

She does that every day for a week, showing up with a book and Alex's present. Everyday Piper leaves with both of them in hand, until one day she just brings a book. The day after she doesn't sit in Alex's spot, eventually the grass starts to grow there again.

She kisses Liam Martin at a party while she is drunk and she stops going to the glade as often. On the rare occasions she makes the trek, she can never stay long. Because the gurgling of the tiny waterfall is way too loud without Alex's voice and every time she notices the older girls name carved on the boulder she fights the urge to slam it with her fist. The place is haunted with memories, riddled head to toe of the misadventures of the two unlikely friends.

This is why Piper never wanted to share it.

Because now it doesn't feel like home anymore.

Not without Alex.

…

The summer passes and as the school year begins Liam asks her to be exclusive. Piper says yes, he kisses her and she tries desperately not to focus on how wrong it all feels. She goes through the motions despite it all, she holds his hand on the way to class and they watch movies while huddled on his couch. He comes from dry humping her as they make-out on her bed, soft whispers of 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' mingle together. She can never bring herself to say either back.

And she is distracted. College applications is what she claims to Liam, her mother and all of her friends. But she knows why, deep down she can't ever shake the enigma that is Alex. She hides the books that Alex gave her underneath her bed, hoping desperately they don't turn into monsters.

She fucks Liam the night of prom, in some cheap hotel room that he rented from them. She is drunk and little stoned and when she wakes up the next morning she feels vile, her hair knotted to the point where she has to cut her hairpins out and the expensive dress her father bought is ruined.

Two days later she breaks up with him.

She still can't bring herself to apologize.

 _Sometimes you just accept the way things are, Pipes._

…

She fights with the idea for a long time, in the month leading up to the day she goes back and forth hundreds of times. Before she thinks, _fuck it_ , she is already expecting the worst. So on the day of her eighteenth birthday she grabs a book, packs a lunch and absently she grabs Alex's present from last year.

The trek is slow and longer than she remembers. (or maybe it's just the weight of her own misery dragging her down that makes it feel like the journey last forever) Her feet are watching the trail, one that's been beaten away by her over the last five years. She keeps her head down even as she smell the telltale sign of fresh water running in the stream or even when the earthen floor gives way to lush grass and for moment she wonders why the fuck she came here.

But as her eyes level out...

And her heart stops.

And for a moment she thinks she is literally dead.

Because there is Alex, legs folded in the grass in front of the boulder, in _her spot._ Piper watches as she stands up slowly and the first thing she notices is that the older girl looks thinner, more worn out. And there is no smirk or laughter in her eyes.

And Piper can't decide if she wants to scream or cry.

So she does both.

She is inconsolable as she is pushing Alex away, ragged 'fuck yous' flying from her lips and Alex doesn't stop her. With every shove she lets herself be pushed back and every hateful word she lets hit her right in the face. Until Piper shoves her so hard – or maybe she couldn't muster the strength to hold herself up anymore – that she falls, landing on her side.

She holds her hand up in front of her like she is surrendering, her voice cracks when she speaks finally. "Pipes…" And then something that Piper could never expected happens, Alex is crying. Thick painful sobs crashing through her like tidal waves, tears leaking from her eyes and every time she breathes it sounds like she is choking. And it's so much, too much, she collapses next to her.

The fall into each, a somber embrace where they can no longer distinguish what tears belong to who and they are both gasping out apologies. They are rocking each other back and forth when Alex manage to say something other than incoherent pleas of forgiveness.

"My mom died."

And she talks, disconnectedly, but the story unravels.

An aneurism, not long after Alex's birthday. Any money they both had saved went directly to funeral expenses and the older girl immediately had to find another job. She couldn't afford their phone bill, much less the apartment and there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't work miserable unforgiven labor that barely paid enough to afford food.

"And I'm so sorry, Piper," she gasps. "For all of it."

And Piper can't stand herself, she is disgusted at the anger she had towards Alex so she holds on tighter as if hugging her hard enough pull together all the pieces that have broken away from her in the last year. She isn't sure how long they lay there curled up on the grass, it could have been weeks or a few hours but at some point she feels Alex's lips press firmly against her own.

And it is hesitant and takes faintly of salt, but it's so damn beautiful because this is Alex and she is holding onto Piper's hand like she is the only thing that she has left to loose. And like no time has passed they just lay there, they talk, and they relearn the planes of the other's face, lips tracing every line, marking each other like a well-worn map.

Piper notes the tribal tattoo on Alex's forearm and the other girl smiles.

"I lost your bracelet when I had to leave the apartment. So, I tried to copy the design as closely as possible."

"You must have really liked that bracelet."

She chuckles and Piper notes it's the first time she has heard that sound in over a year. "I really liked you, rather."

Piper's face bunches up in confusion at the past tense of the term and Alex grabs her hand gently stroking the knuckles. She murmurs three soft words that echo loudly in the glade and without even thinking about it Piper says them back.

She has a different job now, it's dangerous and Alex tells her that she would be gone for long periods of time often not sure when she would be coming back. Piper's heart drops, but then Alex is asking her to come with her. And in that moment Piper isn't thinking about college, or her mother's disapproving words, or how that would mean leaving the glade behind, because for the first time all year she feels like she is home.

Even if it comes in the form of a red-eyed, slightly heartbroken Alex, its home. So, when their lips meet again, a kiss that evolves into so much more she knows that she will never let it go again.

 _ **And they'd find us in a week**_

 _ **When the buzzards get loud**_

 _ **After the insects have made their claim**_

 _ **After the foxes have known our taste**_

 _ **After the raven has had his say**_

 _ **I'll be home with you, I'll be home with you.**_


End file.
